Dr. Fetch is Avril Lavigne


Image from Winchester Thurston

As some of you know, rumors have been flying about Dr. Fech all throughout the first part of the school year. The man is too good to be true…he’s studied in France, is an opera singer who has worked with some of the greats, is a family man, and knows most of the names of his WT students! Is it possible for a man to be so well-rounded and still be just a man?

Well, after some clever sleuthing, I found out the truth: Dr. Fech is no regular man at all. He is a “Sk8er Boi,” he is “Complicated,” he is “With You,” he is famous punk rock singer Avril Lavigne.

Image sourced from Whimn

Where did I come up with this theory, you ask? Well, I first noticed the similarities in ties belonging to the singer and our new headmaster. Avril has a big collection of (quite fancy) striped ties, ranging from maroon, to blue, to purple. Dr. Fech also has similar ties, and equal impeccable taste in them. The next thing I noticed was that Dr. Fech and Avril Lavigne are both very musically talented people. Now, this alone may not be sustainable evidence for my claims, however, get this: as a teenager, Dr. Fech was a “boarder.” That’s right, Dr. Fech could skateboard like no other. This could have possibly been the inspiration for his/her hit song, “Sk8er Boi,” which was released in 2002.

You also may have heard of the famous conspiracy theory that the real Avril Lavigne is dead. That also fits in my theory! Supposedly, Avril Lavigne died in 2003, and was replaced by a double. My idea is that Dr. Fech became tired of living such a famed life, and wishing to lead a life of fulfillment with his family members, chose to fake a death, hire an Avril Lavigne replacement, and spread the conspiracy theory around the internet in order to keep his own memory alive. What a clever guy!

In order to take the next step and prove my theory, Dr. Fech and I sat down to talk about him and Avril Lavigne. I found out that he loves singing, and is familiar with quite a large amount of Avril Lavigne’s music. When I asked him what his favorite song was, he responded (a little too eagerly), “Sk8er Boi!” Just as I had suspected.

Image from Winchester Thurston

I also asked him about his life in the early 2000s. “It was one of the best times of my life,” he responded, “I had so much fun, and I would just like to thank all of my fans–friends, for making my life the best in could be.” When I asked Dr. Fech if he was Avril Lavigne (yes, I asked him straight out), he said, “My agent will not allow me to answer that question at this time.”

By then, I felt like I had all the proof I needed. But, I had to be sure. The mystery of Avril Lavigne/Dr. Fech was killing me! It was haunting my dreams, taking over my life. I couldn’t stop talking about it. My friends and family begged for me to get help, but I knew the only way I could ever be satisfied, and end my obsession, was if I found out the truth, once and for all.

While leaving Dr. Fech’s office, I ran into his husband, Rick Soria. I asked him a couple questions as well. When asked about Dr. Fech’s singing, he said: “He [Dr. Fech], is truly an amazing singer. He’s really quite talented. And he’s got quite the knack for singing pop and rock as well, not just opera. It’s really impressive.”

Mr. Soria is also a big fan of Avril Lavigne, and has supposedly mistook his husband for her at times. “Sometimes, when he sings in the shower, I could be sure it’s an original recording from Avril’s 2002 album. ‘Let Go.’ It’s kind of crazy how close to her voice he can get. He also uses it as a party trick, and people just love it.” Mr. Soria does not seem to be aware of his husband’s original persona, and said he will have to “talk to Scott about it,” before hurrying into Dr. Fech’s office.

If you ask me, the evidence is overwhelming. Dr. Fech is most definitely the original Avril Lavigne, and is our most famous headmaster yet. However, to further prove this, I have reached out to Arista Records (Avril’s original record label) for a statement. I haven’t heard back, but I will be sure t

o keep the WT community updated.

Whether or not you believe this obviously true theory, you have to admit that Dr. Fech is still one of the coolest Sk8er Bois out there, and we don’t want him to “Let Go” anytime.