I’m sure you’ve read Freshmen Flirting Tips. So you’ve finally got the person of your dreams, but you don’t know how to act on a date with them. Don’t fear. Your (very) local dating counselor is here. 

1. Cover Yourself in Body Spray

Body spray is my personal favorite smell. Remember the Axe Body Spray trend? I literally cried the day that ended. Seriously. Your date wants you to smell well, so body spray it is. If you really want to be fancy, try using an entire bottle of cologne or perfume. Listen to me when I say the ENTIRE bottle. It adds to the effect. 

2. Do Not Dress According to The Plans

Oh, your date wants to have a casual time at the arcade? Well, I say NO. Wear that tuxedo sitting in the back of your closet! Wear that forgotten dress you bought three months ago! You never know when your luck will strike and someone hotter will be at Dave and Buster’s… Picture this: you think you’re with your ideal date until suddenly, a super hot and famous actor walks in. Ask yourself this: do you want to date some immature freshman or a famous actor? I’ve made my decision. 

3. Be Rude to Your Date’s Parents

Being amicable? Cordial? Puh-LEASE, that is so twentieth century. Do you really think that you should be respectful to your date’s parents when you meet them at the door? Here’s the answer: no. You have to show their parents that you’re not afraid to share your feelings and emotions with them. This will enable them with a sense of trust if you are able to open up. Trust me, they will definitely appreciate this. 

4. Don’t Gift Your Date With Anything

Roses? Chocolates? Oh heck no. Do not at any cost buy your date a gift. They will not want your crappy one hundred dollar roses or Godiva chocolates. Giving gifts is plain old. Try emailing them about a promotional ad for body spray instead so you can help them smell better. Trust me, all dates hate gifts. They think giving and receiving gifts is weird. (Now, if you want to give me a gift, I won’t mind – I’m locker number 70 something … I think…) 

5. Inform Your Date About Things You Don’t Like About Them

Now this, this your date will highly appreciate. Is their bowtie looking askew? Or did they forget to iron their shirt (what a disgrace!)? Make sure to tell them. This will let them know that you can open up to them with your raw emotions. However, do NOT compliment them. This will make them feel like you’re just saying things to make them happy. Well in reality, when you criticize them, that makes them happier. 

Well, that’s all for now. Thank me later, freshies, (oh, and chocolate would be preferable for a gift, but if you feel like getting me a dog, go right on ahead).