A new band has hit the WT music scene. Born out of Sunburst School of Music, Female Hysteria consists of four mysterious (you guessed it) females. Their debut was this past month at WT’s very own Live at 555. “Thrilling, so thrilling I had to make a fanpage for them,” the runner of “@femalehysterialover” comments. After their life-changing performance, I needed to know everything so I got an exclusive interview with the band.
“We were really just brought together by fate,” said Julia. “We were all abducted by aliens and the only way they would let us go is if we would perform “Karma” by Jojo Siwa,” Sofia emotionally recalls. “It was quite a formative time and really brought us together not only as abductees but as bandmates,” says Maya. “As an homage to our roots we named the band after what the aliens would say after watching Sofia do the Karma dance (by choice) for the 12th time,” Abbey said.
Needless to say, their music taste has improved quite a bit since their saucer days. But, don’t let Female Hysteria’s less-than-usual inception story fool you, they are very much so a typical band. Trying to get more info on the members I talked to their biggest fans and most casual observers.
“Sofia is definitely the heart-throb, I mean she winked at me onstage and the spark was more electric than her guitar,” said one of Sofia’s many in-progress talking stages. When asked for comment on this statement Sofia proceeded to smirk and responded, “I don’t chase, I attract.”
What I heard from the masses was that, even though Abbey is front and center she would already have a lot of eyes on her. She is the “cool one.” To translate this out of boy band slang, the “cool one” is the person who radiates unreplicable coolness. “When she was playing on stage I just couldn’t stop wondering: where are her jeans from? Should I put stickers on my bass? How does she play and sing but still look cool? How soon can I go blonde?” said an anonymous fan who swears his new highlights are from the sun.
After talking to many different fans (especially a certain Mr. Maione) the consensus is that Maya is the rebel. I will spare you the graphic details but let’s just say bass isn’t the only thing she is killing in Jazz Band.
Finally, there is Julia, the mysterious one. Hidden behind the drum set, face blank, Julia is not letting anything slip. “I didn’t know she was in the band, I thought Magda was on drums,” said a confused observer. When further asked how she keeps so mysterious she said, “Um, I’m not supposed to be here.” She went on to explain that she was one of the Aliens from the ship and just snuck back with them to Earth.
Before I let you Hysterics free I just wanted to say that I got a lot of pushback on the whole alien story while writing this article. Some people are saying that it was a “fake story made up for clout” or “only makes sense for Julia.” All I have to say is, if you are really that curious then go to Sunburst to see Female Hysteria’s show on Saturday the 25th at 7 p.m. and ask them yourself.
