Aries: Like many undiagnosed psychopaths, Aries once again signed up for the Turkey Trot this year. Hoping to gobble their way to victory and achieve a sub-10 5k, all they want for Christmas is for their shin splints to go away (or steroids, steroids would be awesome).
Scorpio: Placed at the kid’s table for their 16th year in a row, Scorpios have started to run out of material to keep their fellow youths entertained, “Uh, uh, why did the stuffing cross the road?” (to get to the other sides)
Virgo: After attempting to stray from the beaten path by deep frying their turkey last year, Virgos are going just to play it safe this year and do a Japanese BBQ style bird.
Aquarius: This year, Aquariuses meticulously crafted the cornucopia for Thanksgiving dinner just for their family to say “I don’t think you can put live squirrels in our dining room.” I guess they don’t understand the meaning of rustic cozy as much as Aquariuses do.
Gemini: After choosing for the Christmas season (szn) to start on November 1st, their premature Christmas tree is starting to not look so hot. “Wow I love your guys’s indoor stick display!”
Capricorn: While many think of Thanksgiving as a time of family and togetherness, Capricorns know that the true meaning of the holiday is the National Dog Show. Glued to the TV all Thursday, it looks like the goldenterrierIdon’tknowdogbreedsbeagle named Lord Allister Bayron “rizzy cuddler” is the crowd favorite.
Libra: After the Starbucks fall drinks were removed from the menu, Libras attempted to DIY their own pumpkin spice lattes. After a few rancid attempts, it looks like it might just be time to give in and order an Iced Sugar Cookie Caramel Chocolate Holiday spirit-infused Almond Milk Latte.
Cancer: With Black Friday nearing, Cancers have taken it a step too far and been obsessively searching for the best deals on UGG minis and lululemon belt bags. The FCC is currently monitoring their activity after some poorly worded emails sent after the LoveShackFancyXStanley collab sold out.
Sagittarius: While others spend their breaks indulging in some RNR, Sagittarius’s have prepared themselves for the 2024 Barbenheimer (Wickona, if you will).
Pisces: As family members went around the table saying what they are thankful for, the only thing Piceses can think of is Instagram reels and knee surgery tomorrow ().
Taurus: After getting caught alone in a two-hour conversation about WWII fighter jets with a great uncle they don’t know, they have decided to stay out of the living room and on the move this year.
Leo: Leo’s are just trying to soak in the last free moment before the chaotic holiday/test overload that is the three weeks between Thanksgiving and winter break.
