Welcome to February Bears! As is tradition, anyone who is anyone attended the Winchester Thurston State of the School on January 28th. While this speech is usually a boring, meandering rant about the economics of our tiny little Bears nation, there was one interesting announcement made this year. 

Our beloved Dr. Fech used his time at the podium to announce that what students really need is underground tunnels! He has announced an initiative to raise two billion dollars to install heated tunnels going down Morewood to make our students more comfortable. 

Some have raised concerns about the traffic such a major infrastructure project will cause, as Morewood will need to be closed for at least 3 months. Parents are complaining that their children will become weak Arizonian-like students afraid of any temperature below 60 degrees fahrenheit. Members of the community are outraged about the prospect of a splurge this large for a cause so immaterial.

However, the cheers of excited students echo off the halls much louder than any critic. “I won’t have to walk in the snow ever again,” said one ecstatic student. Another proclaimed “Maybe I won’t hate going to history anymore”. When asked about the impossible price tag attached to this endeavor, WT responded the only way it knows how: we’ll hold a bake sale! If you doubt the power of a bake sale to raise two billion dollars, you clearly are very new to WT. There will be donuts, muffins, cakes, homemade cookies, and so much more. Please bring your wallets! And bears, THE STATE OF THE SCHOOL IS STRONG!