A coalition of WT students spanning all divisions — a group that calls themselves “Students In League Against Judges That Don’t Do What I Want Them To Do,” or, “SILAJTDDWIWTTD” — have announced that, in a heroic, patriotic protest against the machinations of the Deep State, they will henceforth refuse to study the Constitution.
The students were inspired by another patriotic teen, who in 2011 took a brave stand by refusing to study Spanish in defense of his American identity.
“When I heard President Trump say ‘I don’t know’ in response to a lying member of the journalistic deep state’s patently unfair question about whether he had a duty to uphold the Constitution, I knew it was time to take a stand for what I know is right,” one flag-toting student told me.
“America’s a free country. President Trump can do whatever he wants! It’s a free country, damn it!” Inspired by this student’s impressive intellectual arguments, I stole their lunch. When they demanded it back, I responded “It’s a free country!” How marvelous.
Later that day, this student attempted to employ this argument to get out of a parking ticket. They were not successful.
“Due-process? I do process that that sounds pretty stupid. I never heard Ben Franklin say nothin’ about no due-process, and he was president, for christs-sake!” said another student as they drank from a canned energy drink labeled “liberal tears.” In what has been desperately assured to me is an unrelated development, AP United States History was removed from WT’s curriculum last year.
“I refuse to study a Constitution that says that judges can just block my president from doing whatever he knows is right — I mean, what sort of idiots came up with this thing?” another student told me as they popped a zyn and finished chugging their third Mountain Dew of the morning.
Mid-gulp, they added “I mean, this is America, the land of the free — why should the tyranny of a couple of know-nothing, so-called judges keep my president from just doing whatever we wants no matter what anybody else thinks?” When I asked this student what they thought of Roe v. Wade, which ruled that abortion was not a constitutional right, despite 63% of Americans believing otherwise, the student simply responded “Nuh uh!”
Having resoundingly lost that argument on clear logical grounds, I moved on.
“Constitutional crisis? Bro, it’s not that deep!” another student insisted to me. “It’s just — he’s just doing what I think is right. I mean, if I elected him — he has a mandate to do whatever he wants, right?” Regarding court orders that the Trump administration abide by the constitution, the student continued “It’s like when you get an academic notice — like, what are the judges actually gonna do?”
Other students have also considered protests against learning about chemistry and biology. “All this science-stuff has a well-known liberal bias.” one student told me. “We ought to learn both sides of the story. Just because I’m not a climate scientist doesn’t mean that my opinion shouldn’t be weighed equally.”
And in a showing of true patriotism at the youngest levels of WT, fourth graders studying the geography of the United States have launched a similar boycott of their education, demanding that their teachers recognize Canada as the 51st state. I managed to catch up with one of these fourth graders after lunch, but after an intense interview, all I could get from them was “I like maple syrup.”
