A Freshman’s Guide to Impressing Dr. Horton


Brynne McSorley

Freshman and respected associate of Dr. Horton, Jianna Miller-Evonich, poses in front of the TikTok-positive freshman lair known as Room 118.

Brynne McSorley, Satire Editor

It’s a well-known fact that Dr. Horton is definitely among some of the most “Freshmen Friendly Faculty” (a term coined by her) at WT. It brings back such fond memories, thinking about how Dr. Horton would let all of us 9th-graders use her classroom, and often, her office space, as a sort of “freshman hangout.” Just because she doesn’t teach you, class of 2025, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to get to know all of you. “There’s just something about that 13-15 crowd,” says Horton, “that restores my faith in teaching each and every day.” Honestly, just let loose with her, (as long as you don’t take advantage of how much of a pushover she is). The first time I met Dr. Horton was in Freshman Seminar (Doc H’s excuse for hanging out with her favorite grade). I was rather spry in those days and, charged with a classic first-year cocktail of excitement and nerves, I came bounding into her room at almost a full sprint. In my fervor, I tripped over a wire in front of her desk, sending a costly microphone flying, then plummeting to the hard tile floor. I was mortified. How would she react? 

“That’s fine,” she grinned. “Don’t worry about that.” I was astonished. “You can run in here anytime you want, that’s totally fine. Don’t change a thing,” she said. “And hey,” she whispered, “if it’s broken, who cares at the end of the day? Am I right?” And then she gave me a freshly baked cookie! The moral of the story is that, by virtue of just being a freshman, you are automatically on Dr. Horton’s good side. However, there are still a couple of things you can do to push that likability rating over the edge.


Bang. On. Her. Door. 

First impressions are important, and none will be more memorable than pounding profusely on the glass outside of her classroom, not because you really need anything, (after all, she doesn’t teach you) but just because you care. Way more, might I add, than that class of seniors she’s teaching. Seniors are her least favorite. And in the unlikely event that she doesn’t look happy to see you, just be louder, with bigger body movements. Pointing at yourself and shouting, “See?? It’s me!!!” through the glass is a surefire winner.


Quit the girls’ soccer team

Ladies: if you played soccer in middle school, just quit now. Oh, “the season is already underway,” you say? Better late than never. Dr. Horton hates soccer players because she thinks the practices take too much time away from Chemistry homework. As she loves to say: “We don’t need any more Megan Rapinoes. We need more Marie Curies. Now less gabbing more glowing with that radium lab, ok?”


Be a “hands-on” learner

Science is exploration. So if you’re ever exploring Dr. Horton’s room while she isn’t there, (which is accepted, even encouraged) do her a favor by taking out all of the equipment and turning it on. Just think how delighted she’ll be when she’s met with a festive candelabra of bunsen burners, accompanied by the sweet music of the buzzing of the centrifuge. But be warned: you won’t reap the benefits of this good act unless you leave your “tag” there.  Spell out your initials in sodium chloride (that’s salt) on her desk, or send her a lengthy and dedicated email, proudly taking credit for the display.