Local Basketball Team Receives $20 Million, Still Can’t Catch a Break


Daniel Kochupura, Co-Editor-in-Chief

The Edgeworth Lions had a rough summer, but the winter has not been much kinder to them.

Following radical changes to their starting lineup a couple months ago, which saw all five starters fired and the general manager don the Lion’s uniform, Edgeworth hoped for a quiet, uncontroversial season. That is not what they got.

Recently, the Edgeworth Lions received $20 millions in prize money for their record so far this season. The news came while starting center/general manager Henry Furthins remains the centerpiece of a middling Edgeworth Lions basketball team. Furthins says of the money, “Honestly, I’m not sure if this is a ‘great job’ type of prize or a ‘do better’ type of prize, but it’s good to be in the headlines for something other than shoelaces.”

“It was definitely a ‘do better’ type of contribution,” remarked a fan. “They kind of needed it, though, and it should give them some room to renovate facilities and sign some quality players. As long as they can keep out of the headlines, Edgeworth will be just fine.”

The Lions have appeared in the headlines three times since that statement was made.




It seems as though the prize money has not yet turned that franchise around.

We’re rooting for the Lions over here; better basketball anywhere in Pittsburgh is better basketball everywhere in Pittsburgh. But Furthins is going to have to put some serious work to use this lifeline effectively, and the early developments have not been encouraging.

Furthins finished his statement with “we want to be contenders. We know we can be contenders. It’s just that the shoelaces are so distracting.”

Good luck, Edgeworth. We’re pulling for you.