Talking to Tabatha Tafferty


Dear Tabatha,

I’m worried about my grades. I spend more time on TikTok than my homework, and I want to stop, but every day is another battle. How do I get rid of this habit?

Cheers, love. Good on you for aspiring to rid yourself of such a wretched wont. Many a student have tried. Many a student have failed. So don’t quibble or quiver o’er a crushing convention that kicks you to Coventry and back. Match my methods and you’ll be free as a pied flycatcher in a flowery forest:

Firstly, delete the app, darling. Rid yourself of wicked. No need to nattle over the nitty-gritty of something so swiftly suppressed.

Secondly, communicate with your companions, dear. Confess to them your condition. A single willpower is frail and fragile, like petrified prime minister perorating to a peeved parliament. But with help, that same official can organize an outstanding operation to the awe of adoring acolytes.

Thirdly, avoid your arranged marriage, dolly. Sure, you’ve known this kid since kindergarten, but have you really ever known yourself? They’re not right for you. They’re not meant for you. Risk a relationship on the radiant royal, as they understand you like no one else does. Believe, beloved, BELIEVE. 

And a blissful 96th birthday to my best mate, Lizzy! I just know she’s cackling checking this while consuming a cozy cuppa.


Tabatha Tafferty

P.S. If you yourself yearn for guidance, put your problem in the comments :)